How Breath-work Taught Me to Sit With Discomfort

I battled with my breath for most of my life.

We breathe 20,000 times a day yet being taught to breathe isn’t even at the bottom of the list, it’s not even on the list, I mean what the hell is the diaphragm?!

I was twenty eight years old when I first practised breath-work and here I am four years later with much more knowledge, experience and somehow, more questions.

For my first Substack article (exciting!) I thought I’d share my experience with breathing.

I was a habitual mouth breather, tended to breathe high into my chest and I always struggled to take a full breath. My nose was always blocked, I couldn’t go anywhere without my inhaler, I would have panic attacks about not being able to breathe, I was always tired and had exercise induced asthma yet I had no idea that the way I was breathing might have been contributing to how I felt.

I am not going to sit here and say omg breath-work changed my life you need to do it.

However, it has been a huge influence in my journey to a more balanced, regulated life.

So my first dance with breath-work when during my first Yoga Teacher Training in March 2022. The facilitators guided us through box breathing as a tool to relax.

This was not relaxing for me, this was horrendous.

I could not breathe in for the count of 4 and by the time it got to the exhale I felt like I was going to burst. All I could think about was how uncomfortable I was and I wanted it to be over. It worried me but like most things at this time in my life, I did nothing about it.

Fast forward to June 2022 and I was introduced to breath-work again, this time in the style of Wim Hof. This involves controlled hyperventilation followed by breath retentions on the exhale.

This was also challenging but much more enjoyable. I felt high as I struggled to hold my breath for 20 seconds.

The only thing I liked pushing myself in was exercise and that transpired into breath-work.

I practised every day; air hunger is an incredibly uncomfortable sensation yet I wanted to continue. I started by counting the seconds which was a fantastic distraction for my busy mind. Once I felt comfortable I let the counting go and I managed to have an empty mind for most of the practise. I often have ten things going around my head at any point so this became blissful.

I can now hold my breath for three minutes. Is that necessary? Probably not. Do I enjoy it? Absolutely.

There is something about sitting with the discomfort and instead of trying to control it you just let it be.

In October of 2022 I had two large lifestyle changes. Breath-work was a huge influence in helping me stay grounded and focused during this.

I decided to go sober and I started to teach Yoga classes.

I had dreamedddd of teaching for years, I talked myself out of it for so long and I was so nervous yet so excited.

I was so sick of staying up all night at the weekend, wasting days in bed, blacking out when drinking and the unbearable hangxiety that came with it.

As much as I was grateful to experience sobriety and a career change, they bought on a lot of feelings & emotions.

Teaching bought on nerves, lack of confidence, imposter syndrome, what the fff am I doing.

Sobriety encouraged me to face issues I had been running from the past 15 years, loneliness, adaptation, fear and grief of my old life.

When these feelings came up I would take myself to practise breath-work and then sit with the feelings. I’d spent so long running away from my feelings that it surprisingly felt nice to sit with the discomfort and not want to run away.

This is where I will get dramatic. This was life changing for me.

Not because I could suddenly breathe perfectly, but because I had learnt that I could experience something uncomfortable without immediately needing to escape it.

I’d escaped all worrying feelings with exercise, partying, bad boyfriends, travelling, moving country, work.

I couldn’t just sit and be.

I also became more aware of my breath in my daily life. I noticed that I often held my breath and then let out a big sigh, if I was stressed I would pant, I wasn’t getting so out of breath during exercise and I was getting more depth to my breath.

If I felt anxiety or a panic attack coming along, I would practise a few rounds of breathing and often feel my state start to shift.

I was stuck on a plane on the tarmac for three hours, I felt my chest start to tighten, I felt claustrophobic, I started to fixate on the fact that I couldn’t get off the plane and I couldn’t move. What if I’m stuck here for days?

I closed my eyes, I started to become aware of my breathing, it was quick and shallow.

Instead of trying to get rid of the feeling, I started working with my breath. I slowed it down; I tried to focus only on my breath. I paid attention to the sensation of the inhale and the exhale.

Remember that box breathing I found horrendous? It was now my go-to. I practised a few rounds of this and I allowed the discomfort to be there.

Eventually it passed and I felt like I’d accomplished something.

Nothing external had changed. I was still sitting on the same plane, still on the same tarmac. But my experience of the situation had changed.

Over the last four years, I’ve experimented with all kinds of breath-work — Holotropic, Rebirthing, up/down regulation, breath retentions, pranayama, breath mechanics, the science of breathing and Oxygen Advantage.

I’ve trained to teach in a few of these modalities and I continue to practise and explore our breath.

Five years ago, I didn’t know what the hell a diaphragm was.

Now I could talk about breathing all day and have thoroughly exhausted my family and friends with it.

I’ve gone from barely noticing my breath to studying it, practising it, teaching it and questioning it. And the more I learn, the more questions I have.

So I thought it was probably time to bring those thoughts, experiences and questions somewhere other than my friends’ WhatsApp chats.

I’d love to hear your experiences with breath-work.

Frankie